holy shit, it's raining!

yes, indeed, it pours outside. i got the day off today, rafting's closed for the season, so let it rain. let it come down like the tears i've shed lately.

topic of the day: substances-the use, and abuse, of chemicals.
(warning: subject matter may not be suitable for all persons. take caution when reading the following)

they're everywhere, from the meadow that is my back yard, to inside the pocket of a guy next to me. they've always been around, i'm sure of this, but lately, i'm so excrutiatingly aware. the problem is that i don't know how to be a positive influence to some of these people with whom i live and care about. i come here to not only save money and have a good summer, but to return to a simple, happy, and healthy lifestyle, and i've become distracted in the past few weeks, more often than not, by situations/people under the influence of one substance or another. for one thing, everyone (i know this is a generalization, but it's a judgement call here, and i'm making it) either drinks or smokes. that's the minimum--i can think of two people who don't touch even one drop of alcohol or a single cigarette, that's it-two. it's just too easy here, to fall into bad habits without the slightest bit of inhibition. i'll admit, i've been way too casual about drinking, and i'm gonna chill out for a second so that i may re-focus and rehabilitate myself, and get into the good habits i've been meaning to form. but mainly my stress over this involves one person in particular (who i shall currently keep nameless) for whom i have grown to adore, in a very intense and honest sense. his presence in my life has caused me to examine in great detail where my boundaries lie and how to be strong for myself and for others. it has become a great lesson for me on trust, love, and stability. i am [waveringly] optimistic. ultimately, i foresee positive changes, but am working on accepting that this lesson is a challenge that will require time, and more patience than i am accustomed to dealing with. i have plans to attend an AL-ANON meeting tomorrow evening, where hopefully i'll find a little peace of mind and reassurance. once again, this wonderous place has succeeded in raising new and unexpected challenges. c'est la vie.

on an un-related note, i think i'll be changing my phone service as soon as i can get into a town where i can do so. be prepared, as i may have to change my phone number (but i'll be able to talk in the valley, bitches, haha!)

so once i get back into the swing of school, i think i'm going to study metalsmithing, human sexuality, and perhaps minor in dance, provided the educational institute i find offers dance. otherwise, maybe i'll just take some classes on the side, but i miss structured dancing. we dance a lot at the mobil concerts, but it's not the same...oh yeah, so there's a mobil gas station out on the east side that we go to occassionally to see concerts. the place is like nothing i've ever seen: it's a gas station with a four star restaurant inside and live music outside, which we drive two hours from the valley to go eat fish tacos and dance the night away, teehee. it's the little things, really. speaking of food, i'm hungry, i'm gonna go find some.

cheers!